Apart from the obligatory helmet, I’m not really into cycling kit. It seems a bit unnecessary and, in the case of cycling shorts, frankly indecent. Cycling gloves are a slightly different matter. A few years ago I remember being mystified and asking a friend why he wore his. He said they made it easier to grip the handle bars and you got less grit gets in your palms if you fell off. I bought some shortly afterwards. Now it’s the summer, I also have a pair of cycling glasses to prevent pollen and dust getting in the eyes; but ordinary plimsolls and shorts still do the job.

It all began to change last Christmas when I was given a very swanky Marmite cycling top. It’s dapper and, I thought, pretty original. It turns out that Foska, the manufacturers, use it in their website meta-description: ‘A unique range of cycle and running clothing, including the MARMITE® jersey’. So, they’re a selling point, rather than a rarity. Now that I wear it, perhaps I am into cycling kit?

Perhaps it’s just more comfortable than a cotton t-shirt; they’re well-ventilated with better maneuverability. However, there is a problem. Wearing a proper cycling jersey I feel obliged to tear through the traffic at maximum speed. With a tatty old t-shirt on it doesn’ t matter if I pootle along at my own pace.

Wearing the Marmite top – a proper racing jersey – a complex wave of emotion washes over me as soon as someone pedals past. Initially my c0mpetitive streak is piqued: ‘Grrrr. I’ll get ‘em.’ This usually means that I’ll have to run red lights, so rivalry is tempered with disappointment (if only I drove through red lights), and resentment (if riding through London is a race, then riding the lights is breaking the rules and unsportsman-like).

Of course, riding through London is not a race: it’s a jerky, stop-start procedure that usually involves riding 2/300 metres, then stopping for lights. I wonder if Foska do a looser-fitting, tweed-pattern ‘Three Men on the Bummel‘ number. A chap could roll amiably through the streets of London in such a garment without anyone implying that he should be working up a sweat… even if the person who is making these suggestions is himself.